Comments on: 3 Ways to Stop Obsessing Over Someone in Early Dating

By: Millie

Millie — Mon, 14 Aug 2023 13:11:24 +0000

Thanks Mathew, What if it is the woman acting like that? I surely want a casual relationship actually a friends with benefits kind of. But the men I get want commitment. I tend to behave like that to put them off but they end up returning.

By: Petra

Petra — Mon, 14 Aug 2023 10:33:10 +0000

In reply to Jb. I agree with not projecting. It is not fair on the other person. I also agree with keep up living your own life so that you do not start to feel needy. But I do not agree with not taking an emotional risk: perhaps that person came into my life for me to learn sth?! Getting out of my comfort zone? Getting out of anxiety? Hah! Mr. Wonderful: come and try to break my heart.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 14 Aug 2023 04:10:39 +0000

I’m struggling to slow down the intensity of my feelings in a new relationship, but we have been friends for over two decades and reconnected recently as we are both single now. We do know each other very well and have stayed in touch throughout the years so I’ve had a hard time applying your concept of not knowing them well yet. In fact, I think we are falling i for each other because we do know each other so well and have a new appreciation for those qualities after having grown and learned what we want from past relationships. We’ve both openly spoken about how we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves, but haven’t been very successful yet. Any tips to make sure we keep clear heads and not assume we know each other as well as we think?

By: Mj

Mj — Sun, 13 Aug 2023 15:03:08 +0000

You’re entire article, hit me where it counts. I’m trying to not invest in a stagnant friendship/relationship. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I know that it is right for me to do so. I have an abundant life I have things I enjoy doing I would just like a partner to do them with. I believe the right one is out there for me and I will find him when I’m supposed to. MJ

By: Zoey

Zoey — Sun, 13 Aug 2023 14:14:07 +0000

Oh man, so I’ve just walked away from someone I found irresistibly sexy, who’s made me feel seen and understood on a level I hadn’t felt seen or understood in years. He was only going to be in town for a couple of months and yet I let myself be open and honest with him (I’m recovering from complex trauma, so I thought this would be good practice). We texted for a month and only went on three dates, which happened within a week, and which were wonderful and which made me feel that, if I’d kept seeing him, I’d be profoundly in love with him by the end of his stay. He gave me all the attention and said all the right things and seemed to have many of the qualities I look for in a partner (values, outlooks, experiences I could relate to; he lives at my dream-life location and he even made the effort to pronounce my name correctly, which hasn’t happened to me since moving abroad). Everything in me wanted to say yes to him on some level, and on another level I heard this really quiet voice saying that I’m lying to myself that this short-term thing would be enough for me (or even that I could sustain something long-distance, should things progress in this direction over time). Worse still, I knew in my bones that I’d feel betrayed by myself if I’d kept investing in what felt like erotic CPR that didn’t come with the long-term intention to build something robust and beautiful. And though the decision to walk away gave me a profound sense of peace in my most sober moments, I’ve also been sobbing every day since I left him, replaying our conversations in my head, wondering if I sabotaged what could have been the greatest thing that ever happened to me, questioning whether I’d let my trauma get the better of me, and whether I walked away because I knew it wasn’t right or because I was too afraid to love. And yes, I’m still hoping he’ll text me.

By: Jb

Jb — Sun, 13 Aug 2023 13:10:32 +0000

Wow, I read this at the right moment and time. I am currently going through this in my current relationship. The two of us have history together, recently broke up with people and are now in casual relationship. We didn’t even know would last this long. To me it seemed to be moving beyond casual, at one point he called me “baby” then “babe.” He made another comment in a conversation and said, “tell them your boyfriend.” Now, we had never discussed moving from a casual to a boy/girlfriend relationship at this point. Now something has happened in his life and I was texting him, heard nothing when he will usually text, ok, thanks, or have a good day. Four days of nothing, I call him, oh he had to switch phones his other one and current one is acting funny. I’m not the only one to tell him (that they texted or called him and no response). I say “I’m just checking on you, I hadn’t heard from you, I know how you can get down on yourself, just keep moving, trusting and try to have faith.”He says okay “I’ll call you later.” In the back of mind I knew he wasn’t but I was kind of watching my phone. When he was talking to me there was no enthusiasm in his voice like before just 4 days ago. But I was down for another day then I saw (sorry Matthew) another you tube video about waiting and constantly watching my phone for any news from him. I was like you know enough is enough, I know my worth even though it hurts to seem like I’m being ignored. However, it really hasn’t been that long. If he really wants me he knows, my phone #, knows where I live and where I work. I’m going to go on and enjoy the rest of my summer.