I’m just getting out of something like this. The thing I struggle with is that my person displays many of these traits, but not all. After being gaslit and confused about what is real, it is particularly hard to come to terms when they display many of these traits, but not the worst ones or to the extreme. It makes you gaslight yourself even more because you think it’s not really that bad. I have watched probably 50 videos on narcissism and doubt my experience because my person didn’t do all the extreme things that they talk about. I would love to see content out there about the person who may have narcissistic traits, but may not be full blown NPD. When you are trying to get the courage to break your trauma bond and all the info is telling you it could be worse it really messes with your head. Regardless, I did come to terms that toxic is toxic and it’s time to walk, but it easier to think about going back to that bond when the extremes are missing.

Hope you start feeling better from trek. I’m still healing 12mths on from an a long term betrayal and a tell tale sign looking back was their energy levels are high, to run from one thing to the next to live a double life to juggle multiple stories. The other sign was the lack of emotional support when you most needed it, could be as simple as broken down onside of road or death of a friend but no emotional check in, quite transactional in nature or robotic.
A red flag I didn’t see at the time, after 8yrs of being together he had no friends of his own. Yes some work and gym acquiatences but no close friends and alot of distance from his immediate siblings.

Thank you Matthew I’m working towards understanding how to setting boundaries and most importantly not to move the goal posts after I do.

I think both are true. We tend to take on narcissistic traits since we were put on a pedestal from the start in order for us to trust them and be manipulated. However, we are also prone to (80% +) choosing another narcissistic partner no matter HOW much we know about the mental condition because it is our comfort zone or what we have witnessed growing up.

Hi Dawn, I was with my covert narcissist for 30 years. He turned my middle son against me and tried to with the other two (they are a little more knowledgable). A recent youtube video popped up on my feed on this regarding parental alienation (PL). It is an interview by Les Carter. It is the most hurtful and insidious thing they do. You might want to give it a listen, at the very least to understand that we are not alone in this as heartbreaking as it is. I had always hoped that the kids would always somehow know who the true caring parent is/was. However, they have been manipulated to the hilt since toddlers and are also trauma bonded to the narc. . . so devastating.