By: Kathy Cunard

Kathy Cunard — Tue, 06 Aug 2024 17:05:54 +0000

This resonates with me so much. As a child I had a cousin who was to me what your cousin was to you. She was my voice, my protector, my bravery. When I no longer had that I retreated into myself. I wasn’t a hermit, mind you. I was involved in activities in school, even some that my friends were not involved with. I was a cheerleader! But I was always cheering for someone else. I see now that I should have a least done some cheering for myself as well.
To this day I don’t go out alone for fear of, well, being alone. How you put it is absolutely right. I am always putting the burden of making me feel comfortable on other people, and when they don’t I get angry and give up. I see I need to reverse the situation.

By: Terry

Terry — Sun, 04 Aug 2024 18:46:36 +0000

I can relate to this in a slightly different way. As an introvert, I don’t actually feel shy around people and have no difficulty talking to strangers or meeting new people as long as the conversation is interesting. But energetically, I feel drained when I have to engage in small talk or chit-chat. I have a few friends who love having attention when they walk into a room and are dressed to impress in every social situation, no matter how casual. Being with them provides good cover for me so that I don’t have to absorb unwanted attention and get drawn into various group chats with people huddled around gossiping about the neighbor up the street. I see now how this probably seems aloof or guarded instead of warm and engaging. I find myself putting on a bit of an act to show my enthusiasm for early small talk. It’s a tiny bit different than what you describe in the video, but the anxiety comes in when I anticipate having to engage with people who want to stand there and chat me up all night. I look for an appropriate time to slip out and go home as early as possible. In dating situations, I sometimes feel like I want to get to that third or fourth date so I can just have them at my house for dinner instead of sitting in a restaurant or public area. Watching the video helped me to recognize how I may appear to people if I’m feeling drained by too much idle conversation. I think I need to manage my expectations in social gatherings and try to come up with interesting or fun things to talk about instead of dreading the chit-chat.

Comments on: If I Wanted to Overcome My Shyness in Dating, I’d Do This

By: Kathy Cunard

By: Terry